Wednesday, April 13, 2011

my pity party

I'm getting discouraged.
I knew that this step in the journey would come, but so soon?
I know this trip is totally up to God, because it is way too big for me to handle.
Maybe it's because it's finals week and I am overwhelmed. I think I am giving myself a stomach ulcer. Everytime I think about how much has to be done for the trip in such a short period of time I have a mini-anxiety attack. Maybe it's not a "mini" one because I don't know what a "normal" anxiety attack looks like. Sometimes I feel like I was dropped off in the middle of nowhere and have no idea which way to turn or what the next step is. In these times I need to remember to lean on the Word and the promises that have been made.
I have prayed about this anxiety, but I once heard someone say, "Why do we pray small prayers to a big God?" Meaning that God is capable of things so much bigger than we believe is possible. That question is something that has always stuck with me. So I am constantly thinking, "Why pray for myself and my needs when there are people who need hope and healing and people who have never even heard the name of Jesus? I should pray for those people!" Why can't I do both, you may ask? Well...I guess that would be a good solution, huh? ;) I am working on this daily. I feel like a dork for being this anxious when deep down I know that God will make it work.


  1. Ask God to show you answered prayers in your life...then you will remember His power. When I feel discouraged - I ask for what I need. I am also learning this year - God cares about the little things that we care about. As a parent, I care when Jada gets a little scratch, so why wouldn't God care when my heart is a little hurt or when I am worried about a bill or something. I find myself saying little prayers, like "God please help me feel more peace here or there, help me to know you have it handled and to remember that you know the future." Jeremiah 29:11 is a great, great reminder! ;-) Love you!!

  2. Thanks Jill. :) A verse that keeps popping into my head is Proverbs 3:5 :"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." I'm learning to not depend on my own understanding because it will never be enough. Thanks for the kind words!